Fuck Off! _|_

Seriously~ you should just fuck off..

You are nothing to me..

Since the day you back stab me, I have already delete you off from my friend list.

Because you are not worth to be a friend.

You don't know the meaning of friends, because you have no friends.

Don't ever think that you can control me.

I'm not your dog or slave..

Don't talk to me like you are me.

Don't talk to me like you know me very well..

Because we are not..lol~

I don't need a friend like you.

Because you are a bitch..

Always mock people when they broke up with gf/bf

always talk like you know how relationship works.

tsk!

Please, you can't even handle friendship how are you going to handle relationship?

btw, did you look in the mirror?

Do you know how fat and ugly you are?

Who give you the rights to insult us?

So what if we likes to put on make up & wear pretty dresses and clothes.

Not like you, forever wearing those clothes, make yourself look just like a boy.

Who will fall in love with you? no one i guess..

We make up not just want to attract some attention,

it's because we make the effort to make ourselves pretty and presentable.

Who will want to go out with you?

Would't you feel ashamed when you walk with your friends that wear pretty clothes and have a good figure?

I bet you would't, cause there is nothing in this world to change that ugly face and attitude of yours.

I had enough of your attitude..

Ugly BITCH!!!

arghhhhh..

_|_

Mental conflict

Since last relationship, I already knew that forever love can't be trusted. My brain have been telling myself not to believe and not to fall in love. But my heart doesn't seems to listen. It just went, and now I find my heart suffering. Because she does not feel safe, she feel scared and sad and useless. All I want is you take my heart and treat it as your last and protect it well, stop causing more scars on it.

Hold me tight

Hold me tight and never let go is the only thing i wish.

I'm afraid that one day I might not have the strength to stand by your side and hold on to you.

Will me go after me and grab me close to you when that happens?

You didn't give me an answer today, and that really scares me.

Because i'm scared that you are okay with me leaving you.

I'm scared that you will be fine without me.

I'm scared that you do not need me.

I need you so bad that you are my one and only.

You are the most important person in my life.

although i know i'm not the most important person in your life.

I know many people & things is far in front of me.

But I still Love you.

Because I already can't stop myself from loving you...

It's getting out of control..

I didn't mean to outcast fion.

But why will I want to talk to her

when I know I can't talk to her like a friend??

I know you would't want me to dao her when talking to her.

So I choose not to have any conversation with her.

I'm sorry for being there when she is with you.

I know when I'm around you are trying to dao her when she talks to you.

Because I saw what happen.

I will try to siam when needed.

I'm sorry for everything.

I'm sorry for being over-protective.

I'm sorry for being so sensitive.

I'm sorry for being so dumb.

I'm sorry for being such an ass.

I'm sorry for being so forgetful.

I'm sorry for being born in this world.

Because from head to toe I have millions and millions of flaws.

I know that myself ,but I don't know how to change..

This is me, love me for who I am?

Will you??

I got angry whenever I hear her name,

there are reasons behind it.

1: I always think that I'm a back up of hers.

2: Her flirting style of being friendly is pissing me off.

3: she getting near you is stepping on my tail.

4: I'm just so scared that you will fall for her once again.

I just want you to distance away from her so I will feel safe.

But I will not force you to do that because it will not work.

I don't like how you go out with her individually for movies or what.

It just unbearable for me.

I guess for some girls too.

You might find it ridiculous, but it's the fact.

I just feel that she is a flirter,

first you, second ben third xiong.

LOL!

AA ah? No life~

I dislike!!!!!!!

I believe you can sit there and don't talk to her.

But her?? humph! never!

She confirm will talk to you.

When I walk over to find you, I saw her smile and saw her sitting so close to you.

It's killing me mentally and instantly.

Angry die me!!!

Fine forget it.

Nothing gonna change also, at least I say some of the things that is making my mood so down.

Hope you will see this an understand how I feel and how I think.

And also hope that you will make changes for me.

I will be thrill if you do so.

Love you for life <3

DarylYuenGuoDong <3

fuck my sixth sense

fuck my sixth sense seriously.

fuck it..

God damn hate sixth sense sometimes..

The things I hope it will not happen, it just happen.

fuck it?

argh!!!!

Going a friend house to slack and watch show is fine.

But only you & her??

I believe you, I confirm that..

But I don't believe her.

And I am feeling sucks because of it..

fml~

ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

that's what happening in my brain..

nothing but screaming and vulgar..

throwing my thoughts here..

Because didn't want to quarrel with you..

Please don't do this to me...

I can't take it.

I'm collapsing soon..

I hear a familiar sound again..

A crack on my heart.

That doesn't sound good..

I should just go bath and cry all my thoughts out rather than scolding here.

I really thing that crying is the best way.

Because it helps cry all my thoughts out..

bye...

Fuck my weak heart & fuck my weak brain & fuck myself..

I'm so fucked up.

Thanks :')

After bathe

Don't know why after crying my heart still feel so heavy.

I have not totally walk out from the big hurt you gave me and here comes another.

Not that I don't trust you.

Just that the 100% trust is still not back yet, because I'm feeling insecure.

But what you did just throw all my effort of building the trust into the river.

You should know I'm still building back the trust, but you just make it collapse again.

Maybe to you this is nothing I know, because it's just going to a friend house.

But to me it's a huge thing.

What I think was you should't walk so close with her when the trust I have for you is still in a collapsed situation.

I really think that you have to do while seeing the situation.

You really make me go speechless.

I slap myself trying to wake myself up from this horrible dream.

But I feel the pain on my face & my heart, knowing that it's not a dream

it really HAPPENED.

I tried to smile to convince myself to make myself feel better.

But how stupid can I be?

Because that doesn't work..

It only make me feel pathetic.

幸福, 你在吗 ?

I'm lost.

幸福~ Don't come and go so fast.

Please stay..

I don't want to feel loved & cared when you are happy.

And throwing your temper at me when you are not happy.

I want you to leave fion for me thats why I ask if you want to meet me.

But your answer was no.

I offer to go till amk meet you, but you didn't accept and from your tone I know you are gonna be angry soon..

Do you know why I asked if you want to come and meet me?

Not because I want you to throw your friend aside.

I just want to feel important and priorities.

I didn't want to think so much but I can't control.

Actually yesterday when you told me about working at amk,

I already knew that you will meet her.

Do you know why I know because it happen?

Because you seems to be meeting her whenever you are there.

That's why now I hate ang mo kio.

Yes, I admit I'm jealous

But why?

Because I love you.

I'm selfish in love.

I just can't stand her being so close to you.

You seems to have a lot of fun with her.

You didn't even reply me.

I text you 4 message and is around 10mins ago,

You replied "okay (:" and that's it...

I text you, I got no reply.

That show me that you had fun with her that you forget about me.

I didn''t want to think this way, but I'm sorry..

Because it's her so thoughts just came into my mind.

I had already control myself a lot.

I didn't throw temper I didn't spam text asking for your reply.

I didn't call and ask what you are doing.

I saw her tag you & that makes me feel uncomfortable.

You might think I'm such a bitch.

But this is me.

I'm a bitch girlfriend I know that.

Because I does not have the confident in myself.

That's why I choose to be bitchy by intend to stop you from being so close with girls.

You never think and understand why i'm acting this way.

You only know that I'm so fucking irritating.

You never try to understand how I feel.

You never know I'm very lack of confident of myself.

That's why I love to hear you praising me and say you love me.

That make me feel that yes the person I love thinks that i'm pretty and loves me.

You never know how happy I am when I hear you say those words and say you love me & miss me.

although you always say it unwillingly and with a bad mood.

But that just makes me feel better a little because you didn't say it because you mean it.

I tell you I also want watch because I'm waiting for you to ask me along.

You never know that will make me feel safe if you ask me along to watch movie with you two.

I know you will say she is just a friend, but what if put this situation on me.

If I go out with a guy friend of mine and slack around & watch movie.

I can be confirm you will get angry also.

Who will get happy seeing their partner being with a girl/guy alone.

Am i right?

You might disagree, but if this really happens you will get angry.

Now you didn't text me and didn't reply me, I felt lonely and rubbish is running thru my mind.

That just make me feel lonely and insecure.

I miss you <3 I need you <3

I'm craving for your love~

I'm craving for you sweet talks~

I'm craving for you~

I want to be the only girl you see in your eyes..

But unfortunately, I'm not the only one.

I don't want to feel that..

I love you. Do you? :'(

Oh shits! I'm always crying while writing diary :(

I can only cry alone at home.

I can only tell myself how jealous am I.

I can only tell myself how angry am I.

I can only tell myself how sad am I..

I can only tell myself, because you dislike me tell you all this.

So I can only tell myself.

And I started to talk to myself more often.

Sometimes I just tear while taking train.

Because I miss you,

Because I'm jealous,

Because I'm angry,

Because I'm sad,

Because I can only tell myself all my feelings...

Because I only have you & you hate to hear all this.

我喜欢被爱的感觉... ... ...

我想念, 被你呵护, 被你疼爱的感觉... ...

幸福你能回来吗?

安全感你能回来吗?

I'm crying with a fake smile

I'm back.

Because I want to talk to diary again.

I want to tell diary how I feel inside :(

Your exams had started.

You didn't do well for the first paper.

You felt sad, me too.

But I can only tell you to study hard for the rest of the paper.

You promised, I'm happy. :)

But that doesn't last long.

First text in the morning was not good morning or thanks baby for waking me up.

and was, " can I go club tmr?"

First thing came into my mind was " wtf???"

cause FIRST; early morning you are telling me this?

SECOND; den how about your studying?

I actually thought it was a farewell clubbing for celest.

I was on the edge on allowing you to go.

After that I realized it was not.

But since you want to go so much, I think of an idea.

You finish 6 chapters out of the 8 chapters and I will allow you to go.

You agreed with it I guess.

But when you told me that you going avatar tomorrow with fion and another girl, my heart sank.

I didn't say you confirm can go, I said only if you finish studying.

and why in the hell with her?

You said nicky not confirm, to me that does not make any big difference.

If nicky didn't go are you trying to tell me

" baby I going club with two girls, and 1 of it is the one you hate me being with."

Seriously?!

You know that and you are doing it like there is nothing wrong??

Yeah I know she is your friend.

But... ...

haiz.. nvm.

I know i'm sensitive and you know that too.

But you are not doing anything about it.

When girls says no i'm not jealous? oh no, they are damn jealous.

When girls say nth is OK? no no~ they are not OK at all! and there is something

When girls say never mind just go? hell no! they don't mean it.

I'm like this.

You might think why can't I just say what I think.

Yeah?

You know what your reaction will be?

Jealous for what? she is just my friend what. cannot be friend meh???

what not ok? what thing again sia..

Why cannot go sia? Just go only mah..

after all those do you think you will talk to me nicely?

hmmm?

I know the results so I am doing something to get the results I want.

I'm hinting you not to go, but it seems like that is making you angry.

I think I should stop now.

But what I want to say is,

if after I said NO, you still insist with YES.

Then I don't see a point you asking me in the first place.

You see that?

You asked " can I go?"

I replied " No you can't"

But end up you say " I will be going..."

And i have to say " ok "

I can foresee myself telling you this,

"Have fun (with them)! Don't drink to much (and get drunk & do anything silly)! Go home early ( don't get to close to her)! "

All those in brackets are the things i'm saying in my heart.

oh well...

I'm just being bitchy.

Forget it.

used to it already, yeah?

did I?

hmmm, I'm wondering..

I'm sorry.

* I'm just angry & jealous.

You know it, just ignore me.

I will be fine.

Bye diary~ see you next time

Sad?! Jealous?! Angry?! I'm confused

Things change totally when you started clubbing.

I used to be very proud to say that my bf don't club.

Now I can't say that anymore.

I know you just want to have fun and enjoy yourself.

While you are enjoying am I?

While you are enjoying what am I doing?

Rotting at home staring at the phone waiting for your text.

Tonight clubbing again.

haiz..

Tomorrow you have work.

Yes I remember I promised that I will not stop you from clubbing.

But condition is the next day you have nothing on.

You agree with me too don't you?

Then what's this?

I had told you about this sales for few weeks.

Yet you are dragging the time to go out.

You promised that after my O levels you will bring me out for shopping.

From the reaction I got just now when I tell you about the sales and flea

I can see that you don't feel like going.

I know now everything in your mind is club.

Go which club, what time and whatever.

You no longer bring me out to places where will make me happy.

Now we are always going places where your sister ask you to go and the places you want to go.

If that day ben never tell me about the drinking before you all go club,

I don't think on that day I will be able to see you.

You know I can't club but you go so often like that's your second house.

You know I don't let you club when the next day you had plans.

But you go and just shut my mouth by "I can de, really. I promise you I wouldt drink too much"

I quietly accept your answer doesn't mean that there is nothing wrong.

It's because I does not want to ruin your mood.

Sometimes I know that it's my fault but I just want to see if you will just let go and let me win.

I want to know if you will quarrel with me because of small things.

Why does you always talk to me very nicely when you need help and talk loudly whenever you don't need?

I know you expect more from me, I know you want me to change.

But sometimes can you make the changes?

If I can't hear you properly all the times, other than scolding me and so on

why don't you try to talk slower and clearer?

Can't you?

Your temper is hard to control, I don't want to get scream by you all the times.

I don't want to feel numb of those things.

Because when I feel numb means I would't do anything anymore.

Make me still need you in my life.

Make me can't live without you.

Make me feel like before..

I know time can't rewind and you can't stop clubbing now .

Remember, what you are doing might be the things I will do in future.

I didn't stop you, so don't stop me by that time.

You should know this very well.

I told you many times about this.

This is how I think about relation with people.

How you want people to treat you, then treat the person that way.

Shall stop now, getting tired of typing although many things is still in my mind.

Just dunno what to write, because my mind is so confused now.

Bloody hell brain.

*Hoping you will be back soon, so can go out.

If I have nothing to bye why will I want to go and shop?

True?

nevermind, now your brain only have clubbing.

Talking to myself?

It's normal, because I always do that cause you never listen to what I say. :')

Would't be blogging that soon or never will. Cause house no internet. :(

SAD LIFE!

Can't club!

Can't shop!

Can't tweet!

Can't fb!

Can't online shopping!

Can't webby!

Can'tblog!

Can't get what I want.

Pathetic? I think so too.